


Deadpool Patrol

by 655321



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types, Doom Patrol (TV)
Genre: Ableist Language, Agender Character, Attempt at Humor, Blind Date, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Genderqueer Character, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Other, Pansexual Character, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rare Pairings, Romance, Schmoop, Slow Burn, Swearing, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-27 20:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20766548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/655321/pseuds/655321
Summary: “You’re all buckles and leather and rawr,” Wade growled, waving a hand in Larry’s general direction. “You always stay wrapped up like that?”“Yeah,” Larry sighed, awkwardly shifting his weight, “I don’t want to scare everyone.”Wade placed a palm under his chin and rolled his shoulder forward like he was posing for glamour shots. “No one here to scare now."





	Deadpool Patrol

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LostinThisIndigoGalaxy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostinThisIndigoGalaxy/gifts).

> omg what is this what am I even doing? I don't know but it's GAAAAY!!! This is just a fun thing that's come about through conversations with my fandom husband. 
> 
> Another slow burn? What kind of monster am I becoming???
> 
> This is entirely the DC show Larry. Wade is mostly inspired by Duggan-era comics.
> 
> Playlist:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6jijmQ7SUO9UbUx1g4r9Bn?si=C3Ae9ELTTOm8WgWsfi2jqQ
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3xA5sitGyAFJcLM4PC05fyRQnyYa7ETJ

_“Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness." _\- Allen Ginsberg

\--

“Danny!” Larry couldn’t help himself, he always felt good here. Lighter. 

The welcoming committee today was significantly more than an air dancer. A whole crew of colorful Dannyzens came out to greet him, holding balloons and signs that bore his name. One of them put a lei around his neck. He couldn’t help laughing. Maura Lee was among the Dannyzens, and she held out her long, graceful arms. Larry was happy to embrace her, and he felt a strange, euphoric lightness at the hug. Aside from the occasional Rita hug, he didn’t get human contact. It didn’t feel as _ wrong _as he expected.

**_ Larry! _**

There was even a banner hung across the street with his name happily scrawled across it. He was so thankful for the goggles, tears stung his eyes with joy. 

As the Dannyzens eventually dispersed, Danny grabbed Larry’s attention with the letters across a store front.

**_Hey, Larry. There’s someone I want you to meet._**

“What are you doing, Danny?” Larry asked, almost as if he knew this would be trouble. 

_ **Trust me, Larry! ** _ the autumn leaves told him.  
  
“Okay, I trust you, Danny.”

** This way --->**

Danny navigated Larry toward a small cafe decorated in warm colors, with a sketchy coffee cup logo on the window in rose gold and the name “The Loving Cup” circling it. 

Larry had a sinking feeling. “Danny?”

But he opened the damn door.

The cafe was empty but for one man sitting alone at a small table, facing the door like he was waiting for Larry. The table looked comically small with him at it. He was tall, with lanky limbs, but also bulked with muscle. He wore a red flannel button-down and jeans that looked like they weren’t quite broken in yet. His build looked conspicuous in the casual dress, like this wasn’t his norm. He seemed a little nervous. Larry knew the look of a man trying to shrink himself for someone else’s comfort. There was a part of him that wanted to tell the man that he didn’t need to do that, didn’t need to - but, fuck, how the hell do you say something like that? Larry took a sigh and looked around the cafe nervously, just to get his eyes off the other man.

The man’s face was severely scarred. He looked not entirely unlike what Larry saw when he looked in the mirror. Despite it, his face was expressive. He perked up when Larry looked at him, gave a beaming smile. A little wave and he said, “hi!” 

Larry knew he owed this guy the time of day, he had clearly made an effort. But he felt that leaden feeling in his gut and a sudden fatigue and he just _ couldn’t _.

“No,” Larry sighed, turning right around and reaching for the door.

The sign on the door with text reading “CLOSED” toward the inside of the shop squirmed and rearranged its letters.

** Come on, Larry.**

“Danny-” Larry was hesitant, clearly embarrassed. 

The cash register pinged to Larry’s right and he turned to see a small chalkboard on the counter with the day’s specials erasing so they could write out:

**_Larry! He’s a good guy. Don’t you trust me?_**

“Hey! I’m right here!” The man at the table hollered and flailed his arms. “Look, I got you flowers and everything,” he picked up a bouquet of roses from the table. ”And lunch is on me.”

Larry couldn’t even take a step. Everything in him was screaming that he needed to run, _ now _ . His body felt tight, and _ hot _ and he needed to _ not be here _. After another moment, the spirit inside him both shoved and pulled him forward.

“Okay, _ okay _,” Larry replied, agitated. 

Panic screamed through him but he shuffled a few steps forward. He still refused to sit.

“Hi! I’m Wade,” the man introduced himself, standing from the table and awkwardly holding the roses. “Danny told me about you.” 

Like Larry _ wasn’t _an absolute lunatic mess, like this was a normal date. Like this was normal.

“Well, they didn’t tell me about you,” Larry grumbled, still trying _ not _to look at Wade.

“Yeah, they said you wouldn’t come if they told you,” Wade told him.

_ Be gentle with him, Wade. He’s delicate. _

What Danny had told Wade echoed in his brain and he really tried to reign himself in. He smiled and tried to think of something nice to say.

“I like the fetish look.” _Damn it, Wade._ “Sorry, was that too forward?”

“What?” Larry looked at him now, confusion apparent from under his bandages.

“You’re all buckles and leather and _ rawr _,” Wade growled, waving a hand in Larry’s general direction. “You always stay wrapped up like that?” Wade asked quickly, trying to bury the previous comment.

“Yeah,” Larry sighed, awkwardly shifting his weight, “I don’t want to scare everyone.”

Wade placed a palm under his chin and rolled his shoulder forward like he was posing for glamour shots. “No one here to scare now,” he declared, with a ferocity Larry now associated with Maura Lee.

Larry really looked at him then. He was a goddamn mess and he was being _ silly _. And Larry wanted to know how.

“I can’t really, uh -” Larry looked around again uselessly and gave a vague gesture of his hands.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” Wade picked it up quickly. “I’ve got a healing factor. I’m basically radiation-proof.” He smiled. 

_ God. _ His smile. And then Wade bit his bottom lip. Like this was a date and maybe - _ No, you need to get out of here, Larry. You idiot, this is gonna get you - no, not now, not here. This is Danny. And you’re safe. _

Wade took a step forward, extending his arm to offer the flowers again.

_ You’re safe. You’re safe. _

“What?” Larry was flabbergasted. 

The negative spirit shoved him forward again, tried to move his arm to take the roses. He grunted and wrestled with it. Wade’s face stayed open, grinning, not even reacting to the strange convulsions of Larry’s body.

“Danny told me about you,” Wade said, his voice so light. “They set us up for a reason.”

Wade made a slow, sneaking movement to place the roses in Larry’s grip, and the negative spirit _ made _ him hold them. _ This is so embarrassing. This is - _but he stopped before he could think, “wrong.” Larry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

He could feel the spirit inside him losing patience. _ Just sit down. It’s not that hard. _

They had no idea how hard this was.

Wade returned to the table. He looked to Larry and gestured him to come closer. 

“Come over here and sit down, I won’t bite.”

Larry had run out of excuses, and he was too defeated to fight it when the negative spirit guided his body to take a seat across from Wade. At first his eyes couldn’t meet the other man’s face. He looked down at the menu on the table and watched letters rearrange to say,  
_   
**It’s okay, Larry. Trust me.**_

He squirmed anxiously in the seat but the negative spirit made him feel heavy like it was saying _ don’t you dare run away, Larry Trainor. _

_ Okay, okay _ , Larry thought again. His heart was pounding and adrenaline swam through him, but he finally met Wade’s eyes and the other man looked so patient and he gave a warm smile that made Larry feel like he just might understand. _ But this is a waste of time _, he thought bitterly.

A Dannyzen came over to their table and took their orders. Wade ordered food, but Larry only asked for coffee.

“So, Danny tells me you’ve got another dude inside you.”

“They're not gendered.” 

Larry had learned that recently. Their communication was growing steadily clearer, they were getting slowly better at cohabitation. Larry didn’t call the spirit “it” anymore. He was slowly shaking off the begrudging sense of the spirit as an invader.

“Oh, then, uh, entity. What’s that like?” 

“We’re making it work,” Larry answered curtly before letting the frustration rise to his voice. “Danny apparently told you everything about me but I don’t know shit about you so why don’t you fill me in?”

“Oh.” Wade’s eyebrows shot up in response to Larry’s tone. “Well, I had cancer. Someone used me as a science experiment. That’s why I look like this,” Wade began the list with a characteristic deadpan. “I’ve got a healing factor. I already said that. I’m a mercenary. I used to be pretty, uh - _ equal opportunity _ about that, but I’ve softened up these days. Now I only hurt the bad guys,” he grinned like that was something to be very proud of. “I’ve got a daughter. Uh, I like long walks on the beach, dancing, 80’s slow jams…”

"You have a kid?"

"Yeah. Ellie." 

Wade pulled a Deadpool logo wallet from his pocket. He opened it and took out a tiny battered school picture day photo of a beautiful dark skinned girl, her curly hair pulled up into two buns.

"Wow," was Larry's only reply, holding the picture reverently in his bandaged fingers.

"I know, right! I wouldn't believe she was mine when I met her."

Larry handed the photo back and Wade put it away.

"She's been through hell because of me,” Wade’s face suddenly went serious. “She's got the greatest adoptive mom a kid could ask for. And still she wants me to be a part of her life. After everything that's happened,” Wade scoffed, “she should be telling me to fuck off.” 

He looked pensive and it looked foreign on his face. 

“I want to stay away, for her sake, to keep her safe. But me staying away never actually kept her safe. Damn, she'll be a teenager soon. Maybe then she'll finally want nothing to do with me," Wade chuckled.

Larry was watching Wade's face, and he'd never been more relieved that his own face was hidden. That Wade couldn't see his eyes.

"Nothing prepares you for kids,” Wade sighed. “For this, this little person who just keeps wanting you around, even when you know that -" Wade stopped himself abruptly. "You know, dates with me are usually a lot more fun than this."

Larry grinned despite himself. 

"Is it too early to start drinking? I don't really get drunk anyway but I like to pretend."

"It's too early, yeah," Larry played along.

"Damn. Never too early for the cabaret, though! You up for karaoke?"

"Nah, not today," Larry replied. 

The Dannyzen returned with Wade’s food, and Larry’s coffee.

"So, what do you do for fun, Larry?" Wade asked, conversationally.

"What's fun?" Larry immediately deadpanned.

Wade laughed, "yeah. That's what I thought. Come on, you gotta have a hobby."

"I garden. I like to cook."

"Oh, nice. That's perfect because I can't cook for shit.”

"Are you already planning our cohabitation?" Larry jabbed. 

Wade lifted his eyebrows and lit up now that Larry might actually be participating.

"Well, I did hear that you live in a huge fuck off mansion. Maybe you've got a spare bedroom? I do actually need a place to stay while I'm here. I didn't think that far ahead."

"Where'd you come from?"

Larry adjusted the bandages over his mouth just enough that he could sip the coffee, sitting askew in his chair with his legs crossed. 

Danny was right. Wade liked him. Granted, Wade was attracted to just about anything with legs, including this spectacular table, but Larry was … poetry. The way he held himself, reserved and aloof, was some kind of old world elegance that Wade would never know.

"Different universe,” Wade answered. “This one's a lot nicer, I've gotta say. Back home the apocalypse is happening like every other week."

"Doesn't sound so different from here.”

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about Bendis," Wade remarked, as if anyone should know what that meant. 

Then he suddenly made a face as if he just saw someone get injured, covering his mouth with a closed fist. 

"Oh, shit, that's not true anymore, is it? Damn. My condolences. You guys will probably be safe though. You got Gerard Way looking after ya."

"What are you _ talking _about?"

"Don't worry about it."

Larry sighed, looking around the empty cafe. A poster advertising a film festival from two weeks ago told him again, 

_ **Trust me, Larry.** _

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighed. But it felt like a matter of course now. Wade’s rugged charm and open demeanor had already settled him down. It wasn’t panic anymore, just the typical awkwardness. _ God, what the fuck am I doing? _

“Sure you’re not hungry?” Wade asked, scarfing down the last of his meal.

“Yeah,” Larry responded automatically, ignoring the empty feeling in his gut. He didn’t trust himself right now. He sipped the coffee.

\--

“So, I can’t lie, I’m dying to know what you look like under the bandages,” Wade told him.

He sounded like an excited kid. They were walking along Danny, slowly, casually. _ You’re safe. _

“Tough shit,” Larry replied.

“Oof. So tsundere,” Wade growled sensuously. “I like it.”

Larry wasn’t sure what that meant but Wade’s tone made butterflies in his stomach.

“You’re not gonna get rid of me that easy, Larry. I gotta give the people what they want.” 

Wade winked at you. 

“Anyway, Danny thinks you need a friend. Someone who can understand even a little bit of what you're going through. Honestly I need that too.” 

“I have friends,” Larry shrugged.

“It can't hurt to have more.”

“Actually it can.”

"Sure, I get it. You're used to being hurt. Probably so used to it that you think it's what you deserve."

Larry shook his head. "Never did much to deserve anything else."

"I hear you. I bet anytime something good happens you hate it. Makes you angry."

Larry didn't reply. His stomach growled. Wade looked at him with an "I told you so" face. 

"Man can't live on coffee alone. Let me guess, artisanal soup and pastries aren't your style. It's a little highbrow for me too, it was Danny's idea. They’re a romantic, you know.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Larry smiled and again was happy for the bandages.

“There's a diner over there,” Wade suggested. “Breakfast all day. Come on, you can have eggs and bacon to your heart's content."

-

“Is there something I should know?”

Larry had food in front of him but wasn’t eating it. 

Wade was stuffing his face, again.

“What do you mean?”

“You know...too much,” Larry declared, somewhat uselessly.

“You’re older than me, though.”

“Like that. How do you know that? Don’t say Danny told you. I don’t believe they told you that much.”

Wade shrugged. “It’s one of my powers, okay? When they made me, they made me, well, obnoxious for one,”

Larry nodded, adjusted his bandages again, and finally began to eat his food.

“And they let me know shit. Shit no one else is supposed to know. Shit that won’t even make sense to anyone else. I could try to tell you, but it wouldn’t -”

“Try me.”

Wade sighed. “I can talk to the audience.”

Larry’s face was confused.

“Yeah. There’s someone writing you right now. And there’s someone writing me right now, poorly, I might add. But look, don’t worry about it. If you worry about it too much, you’ll only get self conscious. So, let’s just keep rolling, okay?”

Larry’s eyes wandered again, looked to the menu above the counter. Again, letters rearranged.

_ Trust me. _

“Danny keeps telling me to trust them, like this isn’t insane.”

“We eat insane for breakfast,” Wade shrugged. “But, I know. Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle with you.” Wade’s eyes flitted around the diner before he amended, “I’ll do my best. I can’t always stop it, but I’ll always feel bad about it.”

“Stop what?”

Wade mumbled some weird sounds and gesticulated vaguely. “The crazy. They made me that way.”

Larry didn’t know what else to say, so he ate his damn food. Maybe he could trust Danny. He _ wanted _ to trust Danny. He looked at Wade; his bald, scarred head. This was Danny. No one cared, no one even gave Wade a second glance. _ It’s safe _ . _ You’re safe. _ Larry took a deep breath, and even though he knew he was safe, the tingle of a survival instinct ran through him. Wade looked up at him and everything felt surreal, suddenly. Warm brown eyes and that smile like - _ like he could be wanted. _

\--

Deadpool, in full costume:

_ So, whaddya think? Pretty sappy, huh? Will this thing have a plot? Does this writer even know what they're doing? Guess we’ll have to wait and see. Heh. In like three months when they update this thing again. _


End file.
